Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Day 28 - Baby Cinco?!

What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?


Well if you would've asked me this a year ago, I would've said: Bawl my eyes out and pretend that this isn't happening! Withdraw from those around me, be super mad, and ultimately disappointed in myself for getting pregnant AGAIN.

I pretty much did that with Baby John - and I've been rather open about it. I was so not planning on being pregnant and very uncertain about what it meant to me and to my already large family. Despite me saying to so many girlfriends in the same predicament over the years, "Babies are from God; They are meant to be!". I found myself wrestling with an (in it's harshest term) Unwanted Pregnancy.

I had never been so sad about being pregnant.

BUT.

Thanks to the support of Wilo, my bff, my family and GOD - the idea of a new baby grew on me, and before I knew it I was loving him sooo much before meeting him.

Now, I cannot imagine my life without him - he has brought my heart such joy and such fulfillment. He filled a spot in my heart that I didn't realize was missing. I adore everything about him, and deem this as my most rewarding and special mothering experience to date. He is allllll mine - and we have a bond like no other. (I, of course, am very bonded to my other kids, but this one is a little different). We were so meant for each other.

That being said - to answer the question, present day: I would deal. No tears, no crying, no denial.  I would just trust that God really does know what he is doing - and thank him for a miracle. I think I would be grateful for the opportunity to mother another baby - there is something indeed special about those wee ones and they grow so unbelievably fast.

I am sometimes saddened by the fact that John is truly the baby.


P.S. Just to clarify: I do not want another baby! EVER. FOR REAL, God.