Friday, October 15, 2010

30 Days of Truth - DAY THREE.

Something you have to forgive yourself for:

The first two questions were very easy for me to answer. These past two years of being at home - have left much time for self reflection and review. I probably could have written essays regarding things I love about myself and things I hate. You get to know yourself pretty well when it's just you and a toddler for the most of the day! Um, you are the only one to really talk to sometimes.... ; )

But, then this question pops up. And BAM! Here you go: Personal Question. On the Internet. For Everyone to see. Not just ANY personal question - a personal question about Forgiveness. Forgiving Yourself, no less. I find it easy to forgive others - but forgiving myself??

So, for the first time - I struggled!

I started to think of all the times I've failed myself - and things that required self forgiveness.  Things that made me cringe remembering them, things that made me feel stupid, or novice - things I was ashamed of, things that I needed to forgive myself for...

I tried writing about something very personal - and then was like um.... Noooo....this IS the Internet. I mean hellllooo, there are things you keep private, you know?

THEN I started to write about something semi-personal and funny - but it involves other people, and my professional life,  making it soooo incredibly off limits.

I was like Geeeeze, This is really hard for me to answer!  That's reallllllly frustrating for me because I don't have a problem being open! Not here, not on my blog, and not in real life. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was someone who said: "Just ask her, you can ask Melissa ANYTHING and She'll tell you the truth!" - it's sooo true, that's how I am. So why the struggle with this silly question?

 But then....I figured out why it was so hard to land on something...

Forgiving yourself can be hard to do. It's very hard for me to do. I've let myself down greatly before - you have no idea. I also let myself down daily - we all do.  You know what I get snippy when you shouldn't have, or you curse when really it wasn't appropriate, or when you let your mind wander or you yell at someone driving... There are no perfect people.  Some days, I find myself asking for forgiveness ALL. DAY. LONG. 

The great thing is -  I know Jesus, and He IS perfect. He's already forgiven me of these things - and I don't have to remember them one by one.  I don't have to dwell on these things however big or small. I have His forgiveness forever. He casts my sins, my failures, my disappointments all away, never to be remembered again. I don't have to think about them, they are long forgotten. It's the gift he gives me for believing - believing that Jesus is who he says he is and that He died for me.

Listen to this song - it's been a favorite of mine for many years, and sums up what I'm trying to say perfectly.