Saturday, October 16, 2010

30 Days of Truth - DAY FOUR

Something you have to forgive someone for.

Let me preface this by saying that it's pretty easy for me to forgive you - if you've wronged me in anyway. I am totally a forgive and forget kind of girl.  I don't hold grudges typically, I hate the negative feelings they produce. It just feels better to be loving and forgiving, right? It SO does.

And, that awesome forgiveness I've received from Jesus - the one I talked about yesterday - well, He tells us to forgive others as He has forgave us. And in my case, he's forgiven me at least a million times, so I have to extend the same mercy and compassion, a million times over.

That being said.

I AM human (shocking, I know! ), and this question does come at a time where I do feel like I do have something outstanding and someone I have to forgive for something. ( And trust me, if you are reading this blog, then it is certainly not you.)

I had (notice the tense) a friend - and I thought really highly of this person. Like reallllllly highly of them - they kinda set the bar as far as special goes. I cared for them very much - I loved them! Then, some things happen - BIG things - LIFE things - and their true character came out. Where I thought this person would handle these things with care, concern, caution and compassion -  They instead did the opposite: no care, no concern, no caution, and no compassion. They've acted very cowardly and very selfishly, in my opinion.

What bothers me most is - I've tried to reach out to this person - to no avail. I can respect not wanting to talk about it - or not wanting to deal with it. I can respect a friendship ending; it happens. I'm a big girl, I can handle it. But, what I cannot respect - is just refusing to talk to me one way or another. Even if it was a "I don't want to hear from you ever again" conversation - it would be SOMETHING.

Being ignored - and treated like you don't even exist - is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt. And I can't believe that this person was the first person to make me feel this way.

So, I need to forgive them - without them asking for it, without them realizing how they've hurt me, and without all the answers I'd like. I know I should just come to peace with everything, and extend forgiveness without question, without a conversation, without discussion, without hesitating....

But for right now........I am finding it impossible to do so.