Saturday, June 26, 2010

Hola Quatro - Take Two!

Welcome to the world, John. Nice of you to finally join us!
Born June 24, 2010 at 7:33pm 
7.1 lbs  20 inches long.
I will totally write a post telling the tale of his arrival but for now this will do. This picture was taken yesterday and his looks are already changing - but he looks very much like his siblings. He especially looks like a  carbon copy of Raegan when she was born... just with a boy part ; )

Thank you Jesus for answering prayers! We love this little boy so very much.

I will probably be writing rather compulsively as I have time - there is always so much to write about with brand new babies. I am excited to share it with you! Thank you all, as well,  for your support, notes and thoughts through out this journey!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

True Story.

I want to hold Baby Quatro so, so, so badly. 

Monday, June 21, 2010

Sounds like Summer.

Today is the Summer Solstice - the longest day of the year.

I was trying to pin point a song or artist that reminds me specifically of summer.

I was also trying to not make this a post that screamed: YES, I AM PAST MY DUE DATE AND PREGNANT ON THE LONGEST DAY OF THE YEAR.

Did you hear that?


I think I managed to do both - find a favorite artist who represents so many summer memories of my adult life, spent outside, relaxing AND find a song that gives me sympathy for my prego situation.

Thanks, Bob - Glad we are friends.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day!

I had a really nice, really relaxing weekend spent with my family.

We celebrated my own Father's day on Saturday - and spent the day laughing, swimming and enjoying some wicked delicious food. I love my Dad so much. He's incredibly special, loving and loyal. He's worked so hard providing for all four of us children and my mother over the past 30 years. I never realized how lucky I was to have a Dad like him until I grew up (maybe becuase my boyfriends would refer to him as "The Hulk" and that wasn't so fun, tee hee).  Our relationship has really matured and I love where it stands now.  It is so special and I am so lucky.

We spent Wil's Fathers day at a cook out - where I also consumed an insane amount of grilled veggies...They sooo hit the spot. Wil made a phenonmal lime - something I forget - vinegrette marainade for the chicken. He's so talented. I know he tires of 15 years in the Kitchen but whenever he cooks - it's such a testiment to his talent. I am also so very, very, very lucky to have Wil as my children's father. He, like my dad, really does whatever it takes to support us and LOVE us. It's incredible. We were so young when we started this parenting deal and he has exceeded all my expectations. Happy Father's Day to the best Daddy my children could have.

3 of my children got to enjoy the festivities - Baby Quatro is still being stubborn :) I'm not gonna sweat it. Instead, I'm gonna go lay down, eat some ice cream and watch Harry Potter - The Half Blood Prince with my hubby. Baby Quatro will come when he or she damn well pleases, apparently : )

Saturday, June 19, 2010

40 Weeks.

The only one of my pregnancies to make it to my due date. I'd also like to thank Target for selling me one of the best dresses - EVER. I bought it last summer, and little did I know that it would be so comfortable, and sooooo EXPANDABLE.


Today is June 19, 2010.

Today is THE day.

THE Due Date!

Obviously I am not birthing beautiful baby quatro at this moment, but I am encouraged!

I was up at 3am this morning with some very strong, very painful contractions. So strong that I thought for a minute, just a wee minute, that we might be celebrating Baby Quatro's birthday.

The contractions stopped, of course - but not before I did some laundry and packed some things that the bags were missing. Had the contractions continued, it would have been the real deal.

I did not wake up disappointed that I was still pregnant this morning - like many of the mornings this week. I woke up feeling encouraged because this means my body is doing what it is supposed to do to bring this baby into the world.

I am praying, however, that they start back up and um...don't stop until we have a baby!

Maybe we will see him/her this weekend. Maybe not is also a possibility but even so, I know that it is approaching.


Drama Mama!

I. Am. Dramatic!

I have always been that way - from the time I was probably an infant. I see it in a few of my children and I have to remember that they certainly didn't inherit that trait from their father. That's allllll me, baby!

Tee Hee.

My previous post WAS dramatic - but I feel very entitled to be so. Unless you have grown a human, spent nearly 10months anticipating its arrival and lost all control of your emotions, you cannot fault me for that.

It's just hard, but ultimately, worth it.

Just be thankful that all you have to do is don't have to live with me.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Mean as a...

I've been sitting here for the past 45 minutes starting typing and stopping...Maybe it's because I'm on the lame-o computer and Wilo is using mine (his fancy one is broken in a shmancy way). Maybe, possibly.... it's because I don't want to communicate anything other than....


Go ahead, point out that my due date is still two days away, thanks. Feel free to tell me that fewer than 5% of births happen ON the due date - and that most of them happen within the two weeks before or after. Get all technical and tell me that pregnancies aren't deemed "Over Due" until their 41st week, and so long as the baby is healthy - and that pregnancies can go as long as 42 weeks before induction.

Yeah, yeah, yeah....

I, honestly, did not think I would STILL be waiting on Baby Quatro at this point. I become more uncomfortable, dramatic and emotional by every passing minute. Some would even say that my mood swings run rampant and that I just might be easily irritated.

And to think, I am pretty adamant on making it to 41 weeks before scheduling an induction.

Perhaps, instead of blogging, I should be writing "I'm sorry I'm as mean as a pissed off, pregnant snake at the moment" notes to my children, husband and any innocent vicitim who happens to be bitten.

Bet you can't get those at Hallmark.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

39 weeks.

 Pregnancy Ticker

I am now more pregnant than I have ever been.

Chi Chi's for Breakfast, Lunch, & Dinner?

I still haven't decided if I will be breastfeeding or bottle feeding this baby.

Yes.... I know!


I know that I am nearly to my due date, and one should really have this figured out! Many of you would say, "Melissa, there is no debate - breast is best, duh!"

And I would say, "Shhhhhhhhh....don't tell, but I've never breastfed."

You read that correctly - three prior children and no nursing.

With my oldest - I simply had no desire, even though every piece of newborn collateral I read screamed the benefits of breast feeding. I held my ground. I was 19 when I had Jake, and the whole mom deal was enough for me - I was comfortable with bottle feeding. I had fed many, many babies in my lifetime at that point.

Abby came along and I realllllly wanted to nurse her; I had anticipated breast feeding her from day one. What I did not anticipate was how difficult having an 18month old, a new born, and a husband who worked nights would be. I didn't anticipate having a very small bout with post partum depression immediately after she was born. I also didn't realize how much we had to work with her latching on, and how me - Miss I really have no modesty when it comes to my boobs - was a little uncomfortable trying to settle her in front of family. So, I only tried for a few days and then we went back to the bottle. It instantly made my life, and her little life, easier.

Now with Miss Raegan, I didn't even consider it. I knew that we would be going from having a 2 children routine for 6 years to 3, and that I would be working from home during my maternity leave, then going straight back to a 60hr a week position. Bottles would make that entire transition much easier. It did, but I kind of regretted not nursing her - I watched how she latched on to a bottle and knew that she would've had no problem latching on to me. But, at that point, after you have established feeding for a few weeks, it's a little late to turn back.

To some of you, I probably sound very selfish. And, well, that's ok, because really, I don't care - every woman, mom, baby, child is different. Despite the highly publicized and proven benefits of breast milk, each of my bottle fed children were on par physically and mentally with their nursed counterparts. They did not suffer any increased allergies, or infections. I bonded with each one of them very well - we did skin to skin contact for each feeding, and followed all of the same protocols that would accompany nursing. Not only did the baby and I bond, the baby was also allowed special bonding with Daddy too - as he could most certainly feed a baby with a bottle.

Yet, I can't help but wonder if I am missing out on something.

This would be my last chance.

Part of me really wants to attempt it, but at the same time, I am intimidated by it, too. I know that it will be difficult for many reasons. I now have 3 other kids who need me, and still have a husband who works nights. I know that it takes a while to establish, and it hurts like hell for a bit. No one else will be able to feed him or her - and that scares me a bit too. My big kids are interested and excited - and want to feed the baby. Quite frankly, I think I will need that help.

So, I'm not sure. We'll just have to see. I think I will just trust my gut when asked in the hospital: "Are you breastfeeding?".

There is no turning back from there.

Monday, June 7, 2010

38 weeks.

My shadow has caught my eye a few times these past few weeks. It stops me in my tracks! So does walking in front of the mirror. At 9 months pregnant, I actually really like my silhouette. Now, of course, I will have a moment where I stop and look in the mirror and think - I WANT MY BODY BACK! Two weeks to go.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Beulah Land

Even though I wasn't blogging, I was thinking about it....

My Grandpa passed away in late April. He was a good man who devoted his life to the ministry of Jesus. He was a pastor for over 50 years and changed several people's lives. When you ask anyone about my father's parents (my grandma passed several years ago) the first thing you would think of was Jesus. That's pretty powerful.

One of the hardest parts of the funeral for me, was hearing this song. He was very detailed in how he wanted his arrangements - and he chose this as one of his songs. I had not heard it since I was a little girl - and the moment it started playing, my subconscious transported me back - to standing next to my Grandma in their little church, singing this song. It was extremely powerful and moving. I can hear both of them singing it around their house, in church, in the car so very clearly.

It pops into my head from time to time since then, and it did this morning.

Friday, June 4, 2010

My lobster.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

Someone posted part of this quote on facebook today - and it really spoke to me. It's true. It defines the love that Wilo and I share. We've been together for a very long time. We've had our ups and downs, wins and losses, mistakes small and great. But here we are, expecting our fourth baby and we are still together.

It has not been easy for us. We have struggled in every way imaginable. We did not have a fairytale romance like the movies. We've had to work at this, and at times it has been very trying. We both are so different , and over the years I have said that I didn't really marry my dream guy. I don't think that women should specifically look for a dream guy with a list of unattainable qualities...they will ultimately be let down.

But, here, almost 11 years later, I want to tell you...Wil is most definitely my dream guy.

You know why?

He works his butt off supporting a family of five, soon to be six. He loves me even though I sound like I'm in pain rolling over in bed. He loves my love for the internet. He corrects all the wrong words to songs that I sing. He lets me sing - even though I am awful at it! He doesn't push his far out liberal views on me and has toned down his hate of my conservative ones. He loves Jesus and has his own personal relationship with him. He doesn't hold my hair back when I'm puking because he knows I'd rather just be left alone and that I think that's gross. He knows I'd rather be sober than drink a Budlight. He can tell when I'm feeling faint and is quick to make me lay down and grab me a glass of water. He thinks I'm sexy when my belly is freaking huge. He finds me attractive as a size 9 or a size 18. He will ride his phatty bike 20mi if it means getting to work. He will laugh at my dorky, dorky jokes. He will kiss me when I'm rocking the dirty hippy look. He will go get me reesce cups at 3am. He loves our children, and they love him. He shakes his head and laughs when I start to go off the deep end, and stomp my feet and jump up and down like a three year old, 9 months pregnant. He will call to apologize when clearly, I am the one being irrational. He deals with my messes. He doesn't totally understand my weird social anxiety but he doesn't push me when I'm having those moments. He doesn't freak out when I let a stray animal into our home, even though he knows that I will eventually regret it and complain about it. He colors my hair if I need help with the back, and he ruins my eyebrows. He's quick to explain nearly every single movie quote there is because he knows I don't get it if he doesn't. He reads a lot and always is up to date on any current topic. He's quick to "break it down" for me, should the need arise. He calls me snobby when I refuse to admit that I am being one. He changes diapers and feeds babies. He's the designated toilet fixer, and garbage disposal unclogger. He's "he who finds things" in a house where I am "She who loses them". He is the only who can be trusted to not spill a drink somewhere, sometime in the house. He reads my blogs. He has way to many qualities to be defined. He is my lobster.

He is my Wilo.

We are and forever will be, one tree.

Thank you for your patience with me over the past ten years. You are such an instrumental and vital part of my life, the lives of our children, and the life of this baby. Thank you for giving it all to me.

I love and appreciate you so incredibly much, Wil. I do not tell you enough.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

16 days.

I looked at my World of Warcraft Calendar this morning - and my good friend had posted an event on my due date - June 19th. It read: Meli baby due. I sat there staring at it for a moment - there are not many days between now and then. 16 to be exact.


That is a little over two weeks away! For real?! Has it gone by this fast?

Yes, yes it has.

It seems like only yesterday that me and my bff were sitting in my bathroom and I was asking, "Why is that line there? That line is not good! That is THE line". I am so glad she was there, because I just might have jumped out of my bathroom window.

I am so glad that Wilo was so awesome and got over the intial shock before I did - it helped me so much.

I am also glad that despite my pleas of, "Let's keep this super quiet until I show" to Wilo went arry by Abbigail's attention to detail and her ability to sound out words and her intuitiveness. Did I tell you? She found the test box in the trash and came into my living room dangling it between her fingers, wearing a mischievous, I - just - totally - busted- you - out, grin... asking, "Sooo, Mom, Dad...what is this?" Her bringing it out and in the open helped the entire family start to become excited. It's hard not to feel that emotion when everyone around you is simply delighted.

So here we are 37 1/2 weeks later. My belly is huge, but my boobs are gigantic. I've gained 35lbs, which is soooo great for me. I gained 65, 70 and 55, respectively, with my others. It's hard to move around, and I make rolling over sound sooo painful and like such an ordeal. It is!

The baby could come at anytime. ANY TIME, yo. I am really hoping that he or she waits until the due date. I think I would just like more time. More time for everything - the gathering of baby stuff, more time for him or her to grow, more time for me to have an excellent reason to sleep all the time, more time for me to wash walls, etc. etc.

After this weekend it will finally look like a baby will be living here. I will have my bassinette, pack and play, and my swing in my house. Baby furniture takes up a lot of room, and is so intoxicating to little girls - I have intentionally left pieces at my parents or been patient in getting them. I have bottles and blankets. I have an infant carrier on hold. I have everything I need other than clothes - but those are hard to buy because well....surprise baby is truly a surprise! Thank you so much to all of you - you know who you are - who have helped pass really nice, very gently used baby stuff my way. You have no idea how much it was and is appreciated.

I originally had thought 100% that I was having a boy. I have not been wrong with my other children, and have had gut feelings on each of them. However, with this one, I have no idea anymore.

At least we have names picked out - Wanna hear them? Drum Roll Please....

Genavieve Nickole and John Timothy.

I love the name Genavieve and Nickole is my BFF and my own middle name.

John is the name of my brother, brother in law, and Wil's father. Timothy is the name of my dad and my other brother. I am very pleased with both of the options and so is Wilo.

I hope to spend this weekend cleaning and organizing - AGAIN, and packing our bags. It's just not one hospital bag, but FOUR. That's right - FIVE bags. One for each of us. One for me and the baby for the hospital, one for each of the kids who will be spending the night away, and one for Wilo just in case he has to go straight from work to the hospital.

As difficult as this pregnancy has been for so many reason and even though I would like a few more weeks - I am really, really, really, really (you get the point) anxious to hold this baby. I can't wait to look into his or her eyes, feel their little tiny fingers, kiss their little, tiny toes... Smell that lovely new baby smell. I have thought so much about it. I can't wait to meet them.

This entire house cannot wait to meet him or her either. It will be such a life changing and bonding event for my own little (well is a family of 6 really little?) family.

If you think of us, say a prayer that all will go smoothly with the labor and delivery. Say a prayer that the baby will be healthy and strong. Say a prayer that I allow Wilo to talk during the process (funny story, i wanted complete silence with Jakob, hehehe) and that I make it in time for an epidural.

This might be my last shot at an all natural childbirth - but um, no thanks! I've got nothing to prove : )

Not sure when I will blog again (you know that is a given with this whole project) but I will most definitely update once the baby is born!

Worry Less, Emo lady!

Wow, I was a little emo in that last post, no? Sooo emotional that it took me nearly a month to write again! Geesh.

As a follow up - If you are a parent, mom or dad, and have never been overwhelmed or frustrated with your children...YOU ARE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. It's only normal to have those episodes. Enough said.

This past month has been stressful a bit as we prepare for summer vacation (wooohooo) and for the arrival of our fourth child. Although this is our fourth tour on this kid bearing circuit - there is unchartered territory to be explored. Namely the frontier entitled - "Melissa doesn't have a fancy job this time!"

Now, we are not and have not ever been "wealthy". But, we have always been able to manage comfortably with two incomes. Even when Jake and Abby were little - we had two paychecks that made life easier. When Raegan was born - I worked from home during my maternity leave, and then went right into another full time fancy job. We felt some strain, but not so much.

That being said - the fact we would be bringing another living, breathing, eating individual into the house - on one income - hit me this month. And, not gonna lie, it stressed me out. No joke - I was walking thru Kroger and went down the baby isle just to "see" and well....I nearly had a panic attack when I remembered how much formula and diapers added to a grocery bill.

I am so not that girl, either. I am the "Don't worry, God will provide, we will make it" girl. So, for me to have a moment of panic - that was big news! Thankfully, as in any good relationship, sensing my moments of weakness, Wilo stepped up and calmed me down... I heard him echo words I've spoken over the past two years of this stay at home mom gig - "Don't worry, Melissa - Just trust God".

And that I did. And you know what? The more I trusted God, the more things began to come together. Everywhere I looked - in my bible, in my email, on Facebook, on Twitter - the message was clear: "Worry Less, Pray More".

Now, of course, all of this praying and trusting didn't equal someone paying my bills for six months, or a year's supply of diapers, or a million dollars in my bank account. Jesus doesn't promise to take all of our struggles and problems away - but He does promise to see us through them. He gave me a sense of peace, and a reminder that we were not alone... He put some things in place that eliminated some of the stress and left us feeling encouraged. I am grateful!

I am also grateful that school is out for summer!!! Shhhh. Don't tell the kiddies - but I was and am as excited as they were. I became tired of blasted homework too! And the 7am mornings...please, not sad to see them go. I mean, I more than likely, will be seeing the break of dawn with the new baby but at least I will not be pressured to get two kids dressed, fed and off to the bus. I mean, if they wanna stay in their jammies - or sleep late - they can! Yippie!

Congrats to both of them for a successful year - I now officially have a 4th grader, and a 3rd grader. Wowza. Time sure does fly. I think that makes me old.

Oh my. I should stop before I get all emo about the old thing ; )