Friday, March 26, 2010

Let's talk about...

Remember a few weeks ago when I started this and I said something about writing every day? Can we please, pretty please, stick that in the folder labeled, "Forget and never discuss?"

You know the folder, it's the same one where I keep the pictures of me with my chi chi's painted in public, the one that houses the tapes where I'm swearing that I will never have children, and the one that holds the love for the perfect dream guy who didn't feel the same way. Can you actually put your knowledge of said the folder?

Ok, whew, glad we got that settled.

I've had several instances this week where I've thought - Ohhhh, I should write about that. Everything from the Health Care Reform Passing to Ignorant jerks on facebook discussing abortion to Childhood Obesity to "The Talk".

I'm gonna land on, the "The Talk".

You know the talk.


The uncomfortable, awkward talk about S-E-X. The "Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things..." talk. (be grateful you can't hear me sing that- it's been in my head for days).

I've had a few conversations over the past few months with fellow mommies discussing when the right time was to talk about such things, how much to discuss, etc etc. My general response was one of acknowledgement - I know we need to have the talk; Followed by one of procrastination- I'm convinced that you can't put a definite age on the right time for each child. Happy 8th birthday - lets talk about how you were conceived! Not my style, really.

I genuinely thought I had a good couple years before we really had to talk about things, or at least until I wasn't pregnant. (How weird is that - added to everything else). Lately, tho, I haven't been able to shake the feeling that the time has come to chat with my oldest child, my son, who will be ten this summer.

Take this for example...Last Friday, my bestest friend was over for our regular weekend date. The little girls were happily watching Princess and the Frog, and my son was upstairs playing. The BFF was on one computer, I was on another....and we were stalking it up on facebook and myspace. She comes to this one odd fellows page - and asks if I knew him. I said, "Ummm, no but he kinda creeps me out a little". My son comes walking thru the room - and out of no where goes, "Why? Because he has a BONER?!?!" and then erupted into a fit of giggles.

My bestie also erupted into a fit of giggles ( oh yeah mama, laugh now! just you wait) and I apparently had a very shocked and horrified look on my face... My son goes - "Look at your face mom! Its sooooo funny." I could not even respond. I must have sat there with that look on my face for a good five minutes.

Now, I'm not concerned that he is anywhere near being sexually active, or even sexually curious for that matter. I do think that sex is something that is being joked about or discussed in those moments at the back of the bus on the way home, or at lunch when kids want to laugh at the unknown. I do think it is important to have honest, open lines of communication in place, and even tho this falls into the hubby's realm (he is a boy and J is a boy, duh.) I wanted to research how and what to discuss.

What I found was very, very informative. I mean who knew? Today's sex talks encompass homo/hetero sexuality, masturbation, sex toys, STD's, birth control... !!!!! Is your mommy brain on overload yet? Mine was.

We are not going to have a full discussion at the age of ten describing those things. It's not that I have any issue with any of that- I am very open sexually - its just that, well... he is TEN. Maybe I am being naive, but I do not think he is ready for all of that.

We have settled on making the focus on the human body. The changes that happen to a male and a female during puberty, how babies are made, and how important it is to respect your body. There will be an "open forum" of sorts where he can ask anything he wants. I want to emphasize (well the hubby to emphasize) how he can come to either of us and ask anything at all and we will answer to the best of our ability and we will be truthful. There is no shame in curiosity or interest, and we want to be the ones who set the tone of his attitude regarding sex.

Parenting is always constant and always full of moments where you don't know exactly what the right thing to do should be. Moments where you just wanna ignore it and pretend that they are forever two years old. That's not reality. So many more conversations ahead of us in the future, so many moments with the potential to be awkward. So many moments where we just have to 'wing it'.

"The Talk" will take place this week during spring break. It will take everything in me to refrain from hiding in a closet, or behind a corner to hear what is being said between a son and his father. I am a little nervous about it! I am not ready for my kids to become....teenagers. (/shudder).

Maybe I should sit in actually, I mean, maybe I will finally figure out why we keep having babies.