Friday, March 26, 2010

Let's talk about...

Remember a few weeks ago when I started this and I said something about writing every day? Can we please, pretty please, stick that in the folder labeled, "Forget and never discuss?"

You know the folder, it's the same one where I keep the pictures of me with my chi chi's painted in public, the one that houses the tapes where I'm swearing that I will never have children, and the one that holds the love for the perfect dream guy who didn't feel the same way. Can you actually put your knowledge of said folder...in the folder?

Ok, whew, glad we got that settled.

I've had several instances this week where I've thought - Ohhhh, I should write about that. Everything from the Health Care Reform Passing to Ignorant jerks on facebook discussing abortion to Childhood Obesity to "The Talk".

I'm gonna land on, the "The Talk".

You know the talk.

THE TALK.

The uncomfortable, awkward talk about S-E-X. The "Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things..." talk. (be grateful you can't hear me sing that- it's been in my head for days).

I've had a few conversations over the past few months with fellow mommies discussing when the right time was to talk about such things, how much to discuss, etc etc. My general response was one of acknowledgement - I know we need to have the talk; Followed by one of procrastination- I'm convinced that you can't put a definite age on the right time for each child. Happy 8th birthday - lets talk about how you were conceived! Not my style, really.

I genuinely thought I had a good couple years before we really had to talk about things, or at least until I wasn't pregnant. (How weird is that - added to everything else). Lately, tho, I haven't been able to shake the feeling that the time has come to chat with my oldest child, my son, who will be ten this summer.

Take this for example...Last Friday, my bestest friend was over for our regular weekend date. The little girls were happily watching Princess and the Frog, and my son was upstairs playing. The BFF was on one computer, I was on another....and we were stalking it up on facebook and myspace. She comes to this one odd fellows page - and asks if I knew him. I said, "Ummm, no but he kinda creeps me out a little". My son comes walking thru the room - and out of no where goes, "Why? Because he has a BONER?!?!" and then erupted into a fit of giggles.

My bestie also erupted into a fit of giggles ( oh yeah mama, laugh now! just you wait) and I apparently had a very shocked and horrified look on my face... My son goes - "Look at your face mom! Its sooooo funny." I could not even respond. I must have sat there with that look on my face for a good five minutes.

Now, I'm not concerned that he is anywhere near being sexually active, or even sexually curious for that matter. I do think that sex is something that is being joked about or discussed in those moments at the back of the bus on the way home, or at lunch when kids want to laugh at the unknown. I do think it is important to have honest, open lines of communication in place, and even tho this falls into the hubby's realm (he is a boy and J is a boy, duh.) I wanted to research how and what to discuss.

What I found was very, very informative. I mean who knew? Today's sex talks encompass homo/hetero sexuality, masturbation, sex toys, STD's, birth control... !!!!! Is your mommy brain on overload yet? Mine was.

We are not going to have a full discussion at the age of ten describing those things. It's not that I have any issue with any of that- I am very open sexually - its just that, well... he is TEN. Maybe I am being naive, but I do not think he is ready for all of that.

We have settled on making the focus on the human body. The changes that happen to a male and a female during puberty, how babies are made, and how important it is to respect your body. There will be an "open forum" of sorts where he can ask anything he wants. I want to emphasize (well the hubby to emphasize) how he can come to either of us and ask anything at all and we will answer to the best of our ability and we will be truthful. There is no shame in curiosity or interest, and we want to be the ones who set the tone of his attitude regarding sex.

Parenting is always constant and always full of moments where you don't know exactly what the right thing to do should be. Moments where you just wanna ignore it and pretend that they are forever two years old. That's not reality. So many more conversations ahead of us in the future, so many moments with the potential to be awkward. So many moments where we just have to 'wing it'.

"The Talk" will take place this week during spring break. It will take everything in me to refrain from hiding in a closet, or behind a corner to hear what is being said between a son and his father. I am a little nervous about it! I am not ready for my kids to become....teenagers. (/shudder).

Maybe I should sit in actually, I mean, maybe I will finally figure out why we keep having babies.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Anti-Melissa

One more reason why I don't watch TV.

Well, most TV.

It was Midnight, I was tired. I am all caught up on my Chuck (the best show - ever). I have watched every Gordon Ramsey show/episode to date (love and lust for him!). I thought welllll...I've heard about this show....

Turns out the show is complete crap - and should be titled, "Undeserving Rich Ladies with No Class Behaving Badly". I mean seriously, these women are awful.

They are the Anti-Melissa.

Epic Fail?

Way to commit to writing daily and then...not. HA!

There is Melissa in a nutshell.

No, to be fair, this blog has been on my mind, tho I lacked the energy or time to write. Such is life, in my neighborhood.

I feel asleep the other night thinking about what I was going to write about the next day. I was excited to post something the next morning. I had thoughts about discussing what a crappy human being I thought John Edwards was, and how I felt for his mistress. I thought about venting my on going struggle with picking out names for this baby, or proclaiming how I am truly embracing my pregnant body this time around, finally. However, the next morning was much more serious, and the trivial topics and this blog seemed to fade into the background of reality.

My father called me before 8am to see if I wanted to go to the hospital to visit my grandfather. He is very ill, and is in the Critical Care Unit. His problems are too many to list, and they are significant.

I, of course, went. I would do anything for my Dad. He's my super hero.

It was very difficult to see my grandpa - this pillar of strength, now very weak, unable to move or to talk or to eat. It made me very reflective and I'm still not ready to write about all of those emotions I felt. I will save that for another day.

The emotions were plentiful and ran the gauntlet. The one that I can't shake and the one I will share, is yet another realization of how quickly time and life pass by. Standing there, looking at my grandpa, I couldn't help but to flash back to being a little girl in his arms, and talking about how I wanted "Chockit Pizzie" for dinner.... It seems as quickly as I flashed back to the present, is as quickly as I grew up.

Time is valuable and fleeting. I want to savor it a little more each day. Before I know it, my children will be grown and standing over me, wondering where the time has gone.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Moderately Unruly

So, whats with the name, Moderately Unruly?

Well, that pretty much defines everything about my life! It does not carry a negative connotation at all.

My kids, my house, my husband, my hair, my laundry situation, my choice of music, the people I tend to draw too are all unruly...in moderation.

It describes me. Yes, I have responsibility to be a "good mom" one who washes every ones socks, studies spelling, reviews homework, cooks dinner, blah blah blah. I love these things - I really do - but somewhere inside of me, is still that girl who likes to throw caution to the wind, and just GO! The one who wants to go her own way despite what everyone would think. Believe it or not, I do have occasions where I can embrace my "unruly-ness" ( its my blog, I can create words, yes? kk, good. ) only those instances come in...Moderation.

Moderatley Unruly = Everything Melissa.

30 Days.

I've always been a writer.

From the moment I could form the alphabet with my little hands - I would write. Letters to my parents, siblings, grandparents, imaginary friends.... short stories about the trees or the sun or the moon... It was always very comfortable to me and something I enjoyed.

As I matured, I never lost the ability to express my feeeeelings via writing. I continued to write. I have journals and notes chronicling my middle school angst - dealing with the 'mean girls' and anticipating my first kiss. I have a journal documenting my one and only excursion to Europe for 3 weeks at age 14. I have notes and letters testifying to how insecure I was in High School - and how much L-O-V-E-D a boy, and how he hurt my feelings.

The writing didn't stop after graduating - I have letters and journals describing falling in an all encompassing, passionate love with my husband. I have drug induced ramblings of our dreams and goals documented. I have excerpts defining how scared I was when I found out I was pregnant with our first son and how badly I wanted to be married.

We wrote our wedding vows.

Shortly after the wedding, I discovered how easy it was to type, and this brilliant thing called - The Internet. I started online journals, and email accounts specifically for communicating honestly and unbridled with some long distance friends. I have years of muse describing my quest to be "more than just a mom", writings filled with ambition and success as I started a very adult career at a very young age. I have venting sessions where the pressure was felt, but by the end of the entry, that pressure was turned into motivation.

But then... Something happened.

Nearly two years ago I became a SAHM (stay at home mom, or shit ass ho mo' fucker - as dooce would say). One would think that I would embrace my love affair with writing - seeing how I now had so much "free time" on my hands! I mean, after all, I was able to write amidst raising 2 children, a husband who worked all the time, million dollar budgets, marketing plans and hotels that never slept. I should be able to write allll the time! Right?

RIGHT?!

Wrong.

I haven't written since I came home.

I don't know why I stopped, but I did.

I'm really saddened by this - its a gaping hole in my own documentary. If I were to die, and someone would find all of my journals, they would have a very personal, in depth understanding of Melissa.....until she quit working! Did she die? Did she lose her fingers? Did she forget how to spell?

This - this blog - Moderately Unruly - is my step to remedy that. My attempt to regain the enjoyment and pleasure I received from writing, is right HERE. I have challenged myself to write daily for 30 days and by the end of the challenge, I hope to have reclaimed a little part of myself that I lost.

So, there you go. 30 days of Melissa. Don't like what I write? Think its crap? Yeah, um, don't care. This isn't about you, this is alllllll about me.